10 Things In Australia That Wants You Dead
1. Spider
Batter up! First on the chopping block we've got our friendly neighbourhood spider climbing up your water spout defending your home from those pesky mozzies and annoying flies bugging you all day. Well, of course, unless she looks like this -
Or this -
Then you're probably better of buying a flamethrower off ebay and burning your whole house down.
2. Snakes
If you ran a race with a one legged opponent, you'd probably be laughing and maybe even taking a nap in the race, but how about racing an opponent with no legs? There's about 170 species of snakes native to Australia alone, and roughly 100 of them are venomous. So if you ever do get bitten by a snake, you can pretty safely assume that the venom is coursing through your veins with each heartbeat.
Oh, and did I mention that the two most venomous species of snakes in the world are RIGHT HERE IN AUSTRALIA the Inland Taipan and the Eastern Brown Snake.
3. Sharks
Spiders, snakes, sharks, that's a lot of deadly S's, but nothing takes the cake like Sharks do. Big, scary, 50 rows of teeth, yeah that's not a typo. Sharks have 50 rows of teeth, ready to snack on your leg the next time you're enjoying the Bondi waters
4. Crocodile
CRIKEY LOOK AT THAT CROC! That's the one phrase we all know from our beloved crocodile expert Steve Irwin, "Speed, Size, Strength, Camouflage, a 3700 psi (16460 Newtons) bite force, the death roll, He'd pull you down and kill you in an instant! I'm going to go poke him with a stick"
5. Sting Ray
If there's one thing Australia has taught us about wildlife, it's that even the croc hunter himself can't tango with this killing machine. These monsters can get up to 2 meters long and weigh up to 80 kg, did I mention that they have a spear-like spine they can crack like a whip and penetrate flesh? Not only would the barbs dig into you and make pulling it out damn near impossible without ripping you to pieces, but deadly neurotoxins coat the sting - gatta be thorough when you're killing.
6. Blue ringed Octopus
Remember when going to rock pools and finding crabs under rocks was your favourite things to do at the beach? Me neither, and almost exclusively because of these guys. One bite and you're a goner within minutes. Bright colours and vibrant patterns are bad, noted.
7. Cassowary
Oh looks a pretty bir- OH MY GOD MY INTESTINES ARE ON THE FLOOR. When you really can't decide on whether you're emu or a peacock and you start being territorially aggressive with your raptor talons. That's when you know you're a Cassowary.
8. Box Jellyfish
Nature is sick of humans polluting the oceans with plastics, so what does she do? Nature fights back! Now we have translucent piece of plastic out to kill us.
9. Bull Ants
Ants are the good guys of the circle of life. Something makes a mess, they'll clean it up for you. Your neighbours cat leaving dead magpies everywhere again? Don't worry! Your local ant colony's got you sorted. But there's one species of these marvellous creatures that really don't mess with no bullS*t, and that is the bull ant. These guys are massive, growing up to 40 mm with jaws that crush anything in its way. And of course! You guessed it, they have stings loaded with venom.
10. Kangaroos
If you're shaking your head wondering why there's a friendly bouncy herbivore on this list. Then you obviously don't live in Australia. These guys don't take smack from anyone, and will knock you to next week with their powerful legs if you get anywhere near its joeys or ladies. A blackbelt kangaroo ain't the only thing out for your blood though, these bouncing suicide bombers don't really care how fast you're going on the high way, they'll smash your windscreen, dent your car and slam your side mirrors like no tomorrow.
Still don't believe me? Here's two kangaroos sparring with each other training for combat with humans (course language ahead)
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